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How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
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Cpt. Scabby
Anal Muffin
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2006 8:46 pm Posts: 6715 Location: hellishly intense introspective nightmare
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How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
* POWER METAL The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
* HEAVY METAL The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
* FOLK METAL The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
* GORE METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
* DOOM METAL The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* NU METAL The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
_________________ undisputed god, certified pedophile, antropomorphic personification & registered sheepshagger full of white cock/asian girl innuendo
I REEK OF CICI'S GREEN PUSSY...
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Wed May 25, 2011 7:43 pm |
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Pure
Veggie Fridge
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:59 pm Posts: 21656 Location: Fuck You! GoodBye!
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
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Wed May 25, 2011 7:48 pm |
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Gypo Zerg
Greasy Toilet
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 12:49 am Posts: 352
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
_________________ "Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain."
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Wed May 25, 2011 9:00 pm |
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telmoMRC
Pito
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:24 pm Posts: 9517 Location: Near The Shity Friends
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
yeahhhhh metal rulles
_________________
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Wed May 25, 2011 11:59 pm |
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weasel666
Batshit Crazy
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:11 am Posts: 5720 Location: Portugal land of pito
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
this is the perfect metaphor of the metal genres
_________________
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Thu May 26, 2011 5:40 am |
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gnollie
Official ShitLover
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:48 pm Posts: 8893 Location: not to be found
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
_________________ Bolje piva u ruci nego pi?ka na grani.
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Thu May 26, 2011 8:54 am |
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Toni_B
Violated Toilet
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:00 pm Posts: 1377 Location: Fucking End of the World, man
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
_________________ Pare za ni?ta, ?ivot za sve!
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Thu May 26, 2011 9:46 am |
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Scooty
Frozen Turd
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:29 pm Posts: 80
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
What about Sludge or industrial? Cpt. Scabby wrote: fucks the noble steed
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Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:47 pm |
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GRiND
Sabrina the Witch
Joined: Fri Jun 09, 2006 2:41 pm Posts: 4800 Location: Metalchussetts, The Altered State of Druggachussetts
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
hahaha love it. heres some more i found (i think were added by someone else):
* GRINDCORE The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about two minutes and then leaves?
* Gothic Metal The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet when he shows up, they sing while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows up the pipe and accidentally scorches the beauty and the protagonist, and then he suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell for eternity.
* Industrial Metal The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
* Speed Metal Suddenly there is a short solo, the dragon is confused; someone?s screaming weird stuff; the princess realizes she?s been deflowered; the dragon and the princess are still looking for the one who caused this.
* Christian Metal The protagonist rides in on his way home from Church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to ?thank? the protagonist he replies, ?Sorry, but I don?t believe in having sex before marriage.?
* SYMPHONIC METAL The protagonist enters the lair of the dragon with a full choir and orchestra, and the princess sings notes so high-pitched that she makes the dragon go deaf. The dragon tries to burn them all to death, but all of the members of the choir sing so loudly and unified, that it creates a protective bubble, which only grows in strength from the lead guitarist?s solo later in the song, and the flames bounce back and the dragon ends up killing itself while everyone escapes.
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Thu Jun 16, 2011 5:05 pm |
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weasel666
Batshit Crazy
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:11 am Posts: 5720 Location: Portugal land of pito
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
GRiND wrote: * SYMPHONIC METAL The protagonist enters the lair of the dragon with a full choir and orchestra, and the princess sings notes so high-pitched that she makes the dragon go deaf. The dragon tries to burn them all to death, but all of the members of the choir sing so loudly and unified, that it creates a protective bubble, which only grows in strength from the lead guitarist?s solo later in the song, and the flames bounce back and the dragon ends up killing itself while everyone escapes.
_________________
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Thu Jun 16, 2011 5:25 pm |
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Toni_B
Violated Toilet
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:00 pm Posts: 1377 Location: Fucking End of the World, man
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
_________________ Pare za ni?ta, ?ivot za sve!
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Thu Jun 16, 2011 11:55 pm |
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gnollie
Official ShitLover
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:48 pm Posts: 8893 Location: not to be found
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Re: How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
GRiND wrote: * GRINDCORE The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about two minutes and then leaves? Awesome, although two minutes is way too much
_________________ Bolje piva u ruci nego pi?ka na grani.
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Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:22 am |
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